


What you can't have

by NeverAndAlways



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Anal Sex, First Time, Gen, Masturbation, Masturbation in Shower, Not Beta Read, One Shot, POV Dean Winchester, Plot What Plot/Porn Without Plot, Sexual Tension, Voice Kink
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-12-13
Updated: 2015-12-18
Packaged: 2018-05-06 03:32:33
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 3,180
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5401397
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/NeverAndAlways/pseuds/NeverAndAlways
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Exactly what it says in the tags.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> I have no ~~reason~~ excuse for writing this, except that I wanted to branch out and write something different. I'm pretty new to this sort of thing. But I hope you like it.

Dean has had enough.

Only a week into the Hunt and he's already losing his damn mind. He shoves the bathroom door roughly open, swings it shut behind him. Seconds later, the shower fills the room with steam and white noise. He stands with his palms flat on the counter and glares at his reflection.

The hell is wrong with him? He doesn't even **like** guys. Sure, Castiel is...well, pretty damn good-looking. Blue eyes, brown hair, cheekbones, the whole nine yards. Easy to fall for. Provided, of course, that you're into guys in the first place, which he isn't, but if he **was** \- anyway. Sometimes he thinks that whoever's in charge of these things Upstairs, sent Castiel just to mess with him. 'Cause it's working. He peels off his shirt (and gets stuck in the process), then his jeans (gets stuck in those, too, for crying out loud). It's not like Castiel would be interested in him, anyway. The guy barely even knows what sex is. He steps into the shower and hums in satisfaction as water meets skin, washing away layers of grime. 

...but still. This guy has more power in just one finger than every monster they've ever met, combined. There's something strangely attractive about that.

Maybe too attractive. All his blood is rushing southward; he can feel the hard line of an erection pressing against his stomach, even as he tries to direct his mind elsewhere, tries to ignore it. It's only a half-hearted effort, though. His thoughts go right back to Castiel and damned if he can't hear the guy's voice in his head.

'Dean', says the voice, rough and gravelly, that sort of purr Castiel does when he's really serious. 'Dean.' It echoes in his mind, sends sparks straight down to his groin until he's bucking uselessly into thin air. By rights he should be embarrassed; he's known Castiel for what, six months? Seven? But any embarrassment is eclipsed by the fact that he's now achingly hard. He wants so badly to touch, his hands clench and un-clench at his sides trying to resist, but that voice is still in his head and he can't stand it. He takes himself in-hand and pumps once, twice. An image comes to mind - those damn blue eyes, looking up at him through heavy lashes - and his hips snap sharply forward. 'Dean', says the voice again, softer this time but still burning.

"Cas-" more of a sigh than a name. He falls into a rhythm, stroking until his breath comes in stuttered gasps, water coursing down his chest and stomach and over his cock. In his mind it's not his hand but Castiel's, long fingers wrapped around him, pressing in exactly the right spot. The angel is still watching him - god, those eyes - and there's a small smile playing at the corners of his mouth. He's so close. Heat is pooling at the base of his spine, tight as a coiled spring, driving him crazy but this feels so damn good he doesn't want to stop. He moans helplessly into the shower wall, hoping the rushing water will hide the sound. "Ah, fuck...Cas, I'm gonna-"

'You're what?' the angel purrs, an almost predatory glint in his eye. 'Tell me.' Dean thrusts up into his hand. He opens his mouth to answer but can't find the words; the blood's gone from his brain. His mind's eye sees Castiel chuckle, a dark sound that only spurs him on further. 'Tell me.'

Damn. That's about as much as he can take; he's teetering on the edge already, almost there, it won't take much to push him over. But his voice is still MIA: all that comes out is a string of desperate syllables. The angel's smile widens. The voice drops even further. 'Are you going to come, Dean?'

Dean's breath hitches. He nods. God yes, please, he needs this so bad-

'Then do it.' the voice commands, all teasing gone. 'Come for me.'

And that's the end of it. The heat comes to a point, bright and sharp and bittersweet and then he's coming in long streaks on the shower wall, thrusting clumsily, Castiel's name like a prayer on his lips.

-

Dean stands there under the water for a long while, catching his breath. What the hell. If Cas knew...no. Don't think about that. This was weird enough as it is. You've got some serious thinking to do, Dean.

...Ah, shit. Now the water's going cold. He quickly washes his hair (and the shower) and climbs out, feeling somehow dirtier than when he got in. Then - feeling a little lightheaded - he towels off as slowly as he dares, and gets dressed. When he walks out of the bathroom, motel carpet rough on bare feet, to where Sam and Cas are waiting, he just wants to hide from them both. But Sam is absorbed in his research and Cas has his nose in the Hunting almanac. And it's okay. Everything's normal. He settles onto a bed and grabs the remote.

"Hello, Dean."

Dean jumps higher than he'd like to admit. He swallows hard, tries to regain some composure before speaking. "Hey Cas." he can barely look Cas in the eye, dammit.

A pause. Cas is studying Dean's face with that strange half-squint of his and oh god, can he read minds? Is that a thing angels can do? "Is something wrong, Dean?" he asks at last. "You seem nervous."

"Me? No, I'm fine." Dean tries to sound nonchalant. It probably doesn't work but Cas, thank god, doesn't seem to notice. He shrugs, gives a little 'hm' of acknowledgement, and goes back to his book. Dean lets out a breath he didn't know he was holding. A few wary seconds tick by; he turns on the TV and starts channel-surfing.

This is going to be one awkard Hunt.

oOo


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Another chapter, 'cause what the hell. I could use the writing practice.

"Cas...?"

Dean raps cautiously on the doorframe. He hasn't really seen Castiel since the guy turned human, he doesn't know what he'll find.

"Come in."

Dean takes a few cautious steps into the room. The former angel is sitting in the middle of the floor, one book in his lap and a few others strewn around; he glances toward the door, and his eyes positively light up. "Dean!" there's that smile of his, but it isn't quite - it's a little wider, a little more toothy, and doesn't reach his eyes. Dean risks a look around. The clutter of the place doesn't really bother him. He's seen much worse. What bothers him is Cas. For one thing, the trenchcoat's missing; that's odd all by itself...the guy really seems to have let himself go. He's wearing the same dress shirt as always, untucked and wrinkled with pajama pants underneath. He's scruffy as hell, too (more than usual, anyway). But that's all Dean's able to see because Cas suddenly jumps to his feet, and moments later Cas' lips are on his.

He tastes like smoke - cigarette and otherwise - and alcohol and something Dean can't quite place. He kisses clumsily, all teeth, but with an urgency like Dean is something familiar he can cling to. And maybe that's true. When they finally break apart, Dean can't speak for a few seconds.

"What was that for?"

That toothy smile again. "I've missed you."

"I missed you too, but I wasn't expecting a kiss." at least give a guy some warning.

"That's okay, though, isn't it?" the smile is replaced by a look of concern. He scans Dean's face, looking for confirmation.

"Well...yeah, it's okay. I mean, better than okay, but-"

"Good." Cas smashes their lips together again. A little less hungry this time, more curious. He starts to wander, lighting kisses along Dean's jaw, his ear, his neck. And Dean can't help it. He sighs into the kiss. He wants to be alarmed by the whole thing; the Cas he knows would never be this forward. But human Cas is a damn good kisser, and Dean's never been one to fly in the face of an opportunity. So he lets it happen. Cas has returned his attention to Dean's lips; the tip of his tongue darts out, grazing his lower lip. Dean returns the favor, bringing his hand up to the back of Cas' neck and - gingerly - digging his fingers into the short, curly hair there. But Cas is in control here. Dean tries to let him lead, moves only as he does, and is rewarded with a deep, searing kiss that leaves him breathless.

It doesn't take long for things to get a little more heated. Cas doesn't just kiss, he bites: little nips at whatever exposed skin he can find. Not quite hard enough to hurt, but it'll leave a mark. Dean can't help but hiss a little with each one. He wants to explore, take his time and get to know as much of Castiel as possible, but Cas seems to have other ideas. He's using each kiss to move Dean back toward the wall. His hands are wandering too; one moves down under his shirt to graze along the line of his ribcage. And Dean takes this as his okay to do the same. He lets himself touch, first with fingertips and then more, sliding his hands around to the small of Cas' back. Then suddenly Cas finds a pulse point. He presses an open-mouthed kiss against it, sucks a bruise on the skin, and the noise Dean makes is both indecent and really embarrassing. Cas stops short.

"I'm sorry, should I not-?"

"No, are you kidding? This is awesome." Cas still looks concerned, so Dean clasps both hands at the back of his neck. And kisses him again for good measure. "It's fine, Cas. Really."

The former angel gives him a small smile and returns the kiss. It's short and sweet and almost chaste for a moment, but only a moment. He soon picks up right where he left off. Before Dean can even catch up he pushes a knee between Dean's legs. Dean lets out another small noise - where the hell did you learn all this, Cas? - and if he didn't know better, he'd think Cas was savoring it. Cas smiles against his skin and does it again. Dean unclasps his hands and moves them down and around, making short work of Cas' dress shirt, even as Cas pushes Dean's shirt up toward his arms. One shirt is tossed aside, then the other. Then Cas pulls away again, but there's no hesitation now. His pupils are blown with lust and he grins with a mischief that Dean's never seen before. He takes Dean by the hand.

"Come on."

Cas leads Dean back through the cluttered room to a small bedroom. Dean waits until he's closed the door, then corners him the moment he turns around. Cas presented the opportunity, so he might as well take it. He presses him up against the door with a kiss to stop his words and proceeds to undress him completely. Or at least he tries; there's a lot of fumbling involved. After a few unsuccessful attempts, Cas lets out an impatient growl and does it himself. And reaches down to cup Dean through his jeans. Dean's knees promptly give out under him, allowing Cas to push them both toward the bed. He's still very much in control.

Dean topples back onto the bed, a little dazed by this sudden reversal. But then Cas climbs up after him, straddles his hips in one fluid movement, and he doesn't mind at all. He takes a moment to admire. Cas is beautiful. Even scruffy and unkempt like he is now. He drags his eyes down Cas' chest, his stomach and hips, down to the smooth arch of his cock. His own cock gives an eager twitch. This would never have happened if Cas were still an angel, but he's sure glad it's happening now. He leans in to graze his teeth over Cas' collarbone. Cas lets out a quiet moan in response and grinds himself against Dean's lap, and suddenly Dean's pants are way, way too tight. He reaches down between himself and Cas and gets rid of them, almost knocking Cas off when he goes to kick them onto the floor. Cas latches on to the side of Dean's neck, going back over his earlier handiwork with the same enthusiasm. How the hell is he so good? Dean turns entirely to jello and sags back onto the mattress, and Cas follows, trailing kisses down his chest. Dean reaches a hand between them and - after a moment's hesitation - takes him in-hand. A single, broken little sound escapes Cas; he stops to rest his forehead on Dean's collarbone. So Dean tightens his grip, pumps as slowly as he dares, and thoroughly enjoys the sounds it earns him.

After only a minute or two, Cas starts to sound frantic. He thrusts into Dean's hand a few times, shudders, seems to regain some control, and pulls himself out of his grasp. Dean looks up, concerned and a little confused. "You okay?"

"Fine." says Cas, but his voice is unsteady. "Fine, but..." his hand comes up and traces Dean's jaw with a kind of tenderness, as though seeing him for the first time. "Dean-"

"But what? Cas, if you don't wanna do this, just say-"

"No, no, I do. I absolutely do. I was just..." he clears his throat. There's a blush creeping across his face. "I want you to fuck me." the words come out in a rush. And Dean nearly comes right then and there; he has to close his eyes for a moment because even looking at Cas is too much. When he opens them again, Cas is staring down at him with his brow furrowed.

"Are you sure...?" he asks.

And there's the head-tilt. Maybe he's not that different. "Of course I'm sure. I would not have said so otherwise." 

Dean smirks, and kisses him. "Just checking." another kiss. "Lube? Condoms?"

Cas slides off the bed and hurries away to to his tiny dresser. After some rummaging he comes back, tosses the bottle and little foil package on the bed and climbs back up. He settles himself among the pillows, open and inviting, his cock flushed against his stomach, and Dean almost trips over himself closing the distance between them. He pours some lube over his hand and circles one finger cautiously around Cas' rim, all the while holding him in a kiss. When he pushes inside, Cas whines into the kiss and spreads his legs wider. So Dean adds another finger, and another, prying and twisting and scissoring, teasing Cas open until he's rocking into every stroke.

"Please," he gasps, "Dean, please-"

Dean withdraws, but only long enough to tear open the condom package. His heart is pounding as he rolls it on. He moves in between Cas' knees but before he can do anything else, Cas takes control again. He reaches out and pulls Dean forward almost nose-to-nose, wraps an arm around him, and uses the other hand to line him up. They pause. And with a deep breath, Dean sinks himself into Cas.

It feels...wow. 'Good' is an understatement. He can't quite breathe until their hips touch and he's all the way in, and even then it's a struggle. If Cas was beautiful before, he's gorgeous now - unraveled and laid bare. Dean keeps himself as still as possible, as long as he can. Which isn't very long. Cas' lips work their way up his jaw to worry at his earlobe, and his hips give an involuntary twitch. Cas moans against him. It's an impatient sound, and he couldn't agree more. He pulls out in one quick motion then thrusts back; the moan becomes a whimper. And when he starts to move in earnest, Cas bucks his hips forward to meet each thrust. Using the added momentum, he drives in harder, changing the angle until Cas cries out and he knows he's found the sweet spot. The former angel wraps his legs around Dean's waist and pulls him closer. He's not going to last long.

Not that Dean is a shining example of restraint, of course. It's taking every bit of his self-control not to come every time he looks at Cas. Eventually he settles for resting his forehead on Cas' collarbone as he pounds into him; he wants this to last. Cas moans words of praise and encouragement that he can't hear over his own pulse, but he can feel the vibrations in Cas' chest. He's already getting close. He quickens his pace; Cas' hand snakes down to tease at his own cock.

"Dean-" he warns.

Dean huffs a breath into the crook of his neck. He pulls back and out, hangs there for a second, and slams back into Cas, who lets out another broken sound. He does it again, and again, and suddenly he feels it - Cas stills, then shivers, then he's crying out as he comes in a rush between their bodies. He constricts around Dean, whose rhythm is already beginning to falter, and the sudden tightness and heat has him following Cas right over the edge.

-

They lay there, sated and glowing, for several comfortable minutes. Dean doesn't want to move. He's pretty sure he could just stay here forever, tangled up in Cas, breathing his scent, feeling his chest rise and fall. He's wanted this forever - since he first met the guy - but he'd pretty much resigned himself to the fact that it wouldn't happen. And yet it did. It has. He turns his head to kiss a convenient ear, just because he can. Its owner sighs happily; he shuts his eyes.

Cas moves first. He slides out from under Dean, who's awake in an instant.

"Cas? Where you goin'?" suddenly this is a little awkward. Cas looks over his shoulder.

"I'll be back." he says soothingly, and pads away to the bathroom.

In the silence that follows, Dean disposes of the used condom, then ambles back to sit on the bed. Cas returns (a little cleaner than before) with a damp washcloth, which he hands to Dean. Just as Dean finishes cleaning himself up, his jeans pocket buzzes on the floor. His phone. Shit, that's probably Sam. He should get back to the Bunker. But...he looks back at Cas, still naked and laying sprawled on one side of the bed. He'd much rather be here. His phone buzzes again. Cas follows his gaze, and apparently his train of thought; he pats the empty space beside him.

"Your brother will be alright without you for a few hours." he says. Well, that's all the encouragement Dean needs. He drops the waschloth on the floor beside his jeans and scoots them both away with his foot, then lays down and spoons himself against Cas. Cas pulls a blanket over them. And just before they both crash into sleep he turns and kisses Dean, lazy and sweet, and murmurs a 'thank you'.

And Dean falls asleep smiling.

oOo

**Author's Note:**

> If you liked the story, please leave a comment - I'd love to hear from you!


End file.
